Merry Christmas...in March?

I'm happily typing on my lightening McQueen fast new computer! I don't know how I will ever get used to things working properly. It is wicked fast!!! I never knew that I could access the web so quickly, or have such a wonderful screen that doesn't make my eyes bug out after looking at it for a while. Nor does this new one sound like I'm grinding wheat while I wait and wait and wait and wait for the internet to finally pop up onto the screen! We've been limping along on our old one for so long! I feel like I just traded in an old VW bug for a spunky, red 2 seater. :P If THIS is Tom's mid-life crisis purchase....I approve!

I just read my sister-in-law's new blog and it's set up so well! I went to the website to copy over a cute background for our family blog. Now I can't figure out how to re-configure my posts to show up the right way. I wish I had more computer knowledge! But I will happily play around and figure something out. This blogging is the way to go for journaling. I want to get more organized with my photos and posts. This is my goal for the next few months. Speaking of which...I've got to head to the gym!

WHY?

Within the last 2 hours, I'm feeling overwhelmed-
This is the time of day that I dread. How can I turn my frown upside down?!
I'm never quite done with MY day, so I can give my kids the undivided attention that they need after school. I feel like everything goes sideways once they start stampeding through the door. I'm not prepared.

Why is it so hard to stay on task?
Why are there so many "good things" that take up the entire day, so you feel guilty?
Why is there always enough time for the mundane, and not for the fun?
Why are kids so excited that they "twitch" begging to go over to friend's houses when they've been with them all day at school?
Why is it so hard to be motivated to exercise when I know it's good for my mental (and physical)well-being?

Monday blahs...Sitting here in jammies (well, sweats -- I had hoped to exercise)...still...reading everyone's blogs. Some days you just have one of "those" days where you can't seem to find the time to even get ready. And that's ok. It's been a relaxing day of sorts. I love being in Utah, don't get me wrong, but I miss my sister alot today. I love our chats knowing that we KNOW what the other one is going through. Talking a million miles an hour just to end with the exact same sentence...like twins finishing each other's thoughts. I love her as my best friend. I also miss my Oregon friends. The true blue kind that know-everything-about-you-and-love-you-just-the- same-friends! I haven't heard from Alisa or Layne in forever, so it's good to reconnect via their blog entries over the past few months. Every one is so busy and their kids are growing up so fast. It's hard to believe my own life and that I have a daughter that is graduating from High School this year! Feelings of nostalgia and longing...

I don't know how to make my blog any more colorful and inserting photos is just too much trouble. I can't ever find my pix when I download them. It puts them in a weird place and I need Tom here to find 'em! Someday... It's good to have a goal, right?

40???!!!

I really didn't know what to expect. It was a little less "eventful" feeling than I imagined I'd feel when I was younger. I actually felt more on my "game" last year at this time. I had alot more energy, was on a better schedule and had more going on in my own life. (I was working a ton!) I woke up Saturday morning and it was just like any other morning....I don't feel like it's quite the "milestone" that gets so much hype. Maybe it will be like that at 50? I do feel like my Aunts and Uncles seemed alot "older" when they were in their 40's. I wonder what's ahead for me?

Goals for the year:
Attend the temple every month (don't know why it's so hard...there's one in every city!)
Get back into shape...make exercise a top priority again.
Finish the Book of Mormon (using the study guide mom gave me :)
Clean out the "cubbies" in my house.
Make toy room into an exercise room.
BLOG
Organize photos (I'm asking for a miracle here!)
Finish 2 quilts and some crafts hanging around my craft room!

The weekend was one big party. Tom had to be out of town unexpectedly, so I decided to take matters into my own hands and took the kids to Bonzai. As usual, we had a delicious dinner!!! It's always so fun and festive there...hard not to be in party mode. Saturday, I woke up to get Nathan off to BYU for Scout pow-wow and then went back to bed. Sam woke me up with breakfast in bed and the kids kept running in with little things that the neighbor's had left at the door. Mom called and we chatted for a while... Then I had to hurry and get ready for my first ever MASSAGE! It was soooo wonderful. Tom and Allie had planned everything and it was so nice. I met back up with the kids and we went shopping and then to Hogi Yogi (so UTAH, I know!) and had an amazing lunch with freebie desserts. Sam's cookie sandwich was out of control!

I got home just in time to get ready for a dressy evening out at Flemmings downtown SLC at the Gateway. I met up with our friends, the Steffens, (cuz we were celebrating Greg's birthday from back in Oct as well.) Tom flew in from CA and met us at the restaurant. He was so worried about missing the day, but it ended up being so wonderful and it was such a relief to see him walking down the sidewalk!!! My dinner was (all caps here...) scrumptious!!! I had the barbeque/butter glazed salmon with french onion soup to die for! It was so good I had to stop myself from licking the plate! What an amazing night. Great food, great company, great atmosphere. Definitely memorable and "outta the box". They gave me the MOST amazing chocolate dipped strawberries in a gift box to take home...

Sunday was the kid's Primary Program. (Andrew was in rare form and scowled throught the entire thing!) That night we had dinner and then played a loooonnng game of Monopoly with the kids. (We're still at it and will hopefully finish it tonight for FHE. :)

I'm exhausted just writing all of this, but I don't want to forget a single thing.

What I'm grateful for this past year:

PERSPECTIVE: Going through unemployment and financial stresses can either make you, or break you. In 2008, we had quite a year of both. I'd like to say that I feel like we handled it with a little bit of grace, (and I can't say that about alot of things in our lives,) but, I am pleased that we made it through with our marriage and relationships in tact. I can honestly say that I know that we were blessed beyond measure and were given strength when we couldn't do it ourselves. I feel like I am able to relate to those around me that are going through hard times right now. I am so grateful for that perspective...

TITHING: It is a gift and a blessing to pay a full tithe. My testimony is strengthened and I feel that last year was a bonding year for our family because of it. I've never had such an obvious feeling of the Spirit prompting me to do make one certain choice.

LOVE: Hard times make your relationships more evident. I am aware of alot more people around me, who truly care for me and my family. I felt alot of love and concern on our behalf, like we were actually in other's thoughts and prayers, even from those I don't know so well. We are blessed with much love from friends and family. We have such a full life because of our relationships with those around us.

HEALTH: I lost alot of weight last year. I've never felt so happy or energized. When I'd run "off road" I'd worry about spraining my ankle and I kept thinking, I am so glad that my legs work and that I can run! I loved feeling so strong.

RESOLUTIONS TO PROBLEMS: Trying to come to some sort of state where I could have a conversation with my father without anger or sadness. Having major "moments" and conversations with my children and husband bout destructive patterns of behaviors. What do we really want out of our lives? Focusing on the little things more...spiritual daily scripture study.

6 Busy B's

HOW is it that I've never blogged before? I have always journaled (except for when I haven't - Alisa! :) and this struck me today that I NEED to write some things down...alot of things. Years and years and years worth...

6 Crazy Barnetts, Tom (44), Holly (39), Allie (17), Nathan (13), Samantha (10) and Andrew (7)
This is will be fun to record some of our "finer moments" (and I'm sure some of our "refining moments"as well!)

Just like the 19 years of post-marriage photos in boxes, I don't even know where to begin. I am just going to dive in. I will not let myself be defeated and quit before even making an attempt. I am not computer savvy. Reading Alisa's blog is so wonderful with all of her wisdon and coordinating pictures. But I want to do this for many reasons. To have something tangible to read, for my kids to read and to look back on and see my growth and what I was thinking about on any given day. I love reading about Alisa's life, her trials, her children, her hopes. I miss the Spears living close by. I miss blue blankie nights, funny kids and their great expressions. I know that they have the same goals as I do. To be kind. To try. To be good. To have patience and perserverance. To love this life and the eternities (and remembering to laugh and change your ways when you don't!) She is my inspiration for even wanting to blog. So here goes.

My oldest son Nathan (13) asked me this week, "Mom...when you were younger, did you want to be a "cool mom?" Shocked at the fact that he didn't already KNOW the answer to this question, I said, "YES!" And I truly, truly, truly, thought I would be. Then I had kids...not just any kids... MY KIDS. Somedays I feel like I've had the life...no...the "cool"...sucked right outta me. I am inspired by my sweet Alisa Spear when I begin to feel "that way", I remember reading HER blog recently and know that the only thing that I can change is ME. My attitude, My perception, My reaction, ME. I have heard this over and over, but I forget during the most crucial times! So, here I am at 39 years old, learning this precept right along with my kids on this one. Why is this such a hard concept to grasp...and even more difficult to remember?!

I was watching a taped Oprah and she was interviewing a guest that has written a book about improving your life (and feeling younger) from the inside-out. She posed the question, "When was the last time you had FUN?" And it hit me hard...I need to have more fun...to be more cool...to be available to my kids. To not get so bogged down in running "life" that I forget to live it and "be cool". I need to let the stucture go sometimes and do something spontaneous and FUN. So I asked myself that question, "When WAS the last time I had fun?"

Last weekend was the Father/Son campout, so I took the opportunity to have a GNO with MY GIRLS Samantha (almost 11) and Allie (17). We went to dinner, dollar movie and got ice cream afterwards. We laughed, we ate, we talked and laughed some more. What a blast. There was no time limit. We did what we wanted. I was a kid for a night with no responsibilities but to have fun with my girls.

I get it! FUN equals COOL...at least for that night. Now where is my old cheerleader's uniform?! (Hee Hee!)